Moving Forward



Sometimes the waves of life are gentle and playful, and on other occasions it feels like a tsunami.


Choking, gasping, pacing myself in the waves of emotion of our cousin's homecoming- missing after 1 year and 4 months and witnessing my cousin (his wife) and nieces and nephew honor him.


This was my first time at a funeral with no burial. This was my first celebration of life that felt like a celebration, from dancing to singing, slideshows to folding programs- it was within the work and hustle of the the service where I felt closest to him and my family.


Juxtaposed to our family, I see L.A. With every bit of Lauren's words, his mother's healing video, I begin to see a side of L.A. I have always felts, but rarely do we see. Today, this week, because of Nipsey- L.A. revealed its intimate side.


I can go on and on about the significance of the two events but that's not the point of this post. This post is to call upon how desperate and necessary hope is, how much we are starved to connect, how necessary it is to share stories, honor histories, and continue to believe in the unseen whether in spirit, dream and ancestor form.


Through the knotted tears and outside of my classroom, I haven't spoken much. In fact, it is within my silence I find peace and can actually hear what's inside of me. Those closest to me, know far too well that one hug ignites a gentle tremble in my hands, welted tears in my eyes and most of my close friends know that those moments are enough talking.


I pray that we are never the same.


I pray that although we continue without them,

in the physical form

we are forever imprinted, interrupted by

momentous memories

that are textured and tattooed

to the back of our eyelids

of the lasting impressions imprints

symphonies and sonnets and soundtrack

of they inspiration they effortlessly bestowed upon us.


We will never be the same

but I trust the Creator's divine blueprints are true


I trust these moments of reflection are more so for us rather than them


I trust with age my relationship with going home will grow


Most importantly as I age and mature


I continue to hope and trust.




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© 2019 by Kū-A-Kanaka

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